If It Feels Right

           

       What does that even mean?

       If it feels right? I don't know really… It's a weird title. You know how, when you are dancing, and the teacher gives you a correction but says not to look in the mirror, and just feel it? I guess that's what I am getting at… Don't look in the mirror to correct yourself… Who you see, and who others see are two completely different people sometimes. It's not easy to keep your self-judgment at a minimal, especially in the ballet world, but don't deny people the opportunity to encourage you.

       Self- image…
It's a dilemma… Everything you do is wrong, everything you say is wrong… To who? Yourself… Yes, you are wrong often, to other people, but to yourself, everything is wrong. It's such a problem. One that isn't easily fixed. You look at the food on your plate and wonder why you are eating. You look at the clothes in your drawer and wonder why they are so big. So you try your hardest to change that part of YOU. You wake up and look in the mirror, you hate what you see. You slather foundation on your face to cover up "flaws", you put powder on your eyes to make them "pop". Does this feel right? Does it?

       So what do you do? You keep abusing yourself, mentally and physically. You don't eat, you can't sleep. You never leave the house without makeup, no one sees you for you, and if anyone does, you shut them out. You alienate yourself from them, you hide "you" and fake "her". What is this? It's a world of artificial perfection. It all seems to make a difference, like it is doing you good… But is it? No… It may be doing even more damage. Does it feel right? It starts to… Soon, you will look at yourself in the mirror, and your "normal" will be "powdered perfection" with a hint of red lips… If it feels right… It shouldn't… but it does, and that is frightening…

       Don't listen to the voice that tells you you're not good enough. It's lying. Don't give in to the temptation to starve your body. It's unhealthy. Don't let the mirror tell you that you aren't beautiful. You are. Don't look to people to satisfy your needs. They never will. Easier said than done… but please, try… Keep trying. Don't let go of the drive to be perfectly you… Does it feel right yet?