So… These are the kind of things ballet schools don't teach you about…
Injury
Rehab
Recovering
Who knows why! But they don't its plain and simple. No one taught me that it was ok to take time off to heal, no one taught me never to push thru the pain. Some how I think these things would have been very beneficial. But now I think… some would should come up with Ballet rehab. So we can get these stupid addictions fixed.
So here I am, 3 days away from a surgery that is unwelcome… but that welcomed itself anyways. The doctor is going to remove and extra bone floating in between my Achilles and my Talus, which (i have heard) is very common among dancers. But… never something you want to say you were in the majority of. No one wants surgery, no one asks for surgery… its not something that is very pleasant. I will be stuck in boots for at least… 2 weeks… Boots and crutches… nothing more exciting. I try really hard not to think about all the pain I will be in after the surgery, or the fact that I wont be able to shower for a week… or the fact that I will not be mobile, and that my parents will have to help me out of bed just so i can get to the BATHROOM… no one wants this…. And if you say you do… you are really twisted and deranged and probably should be in a white room with padded walls.
I don't like admitting my fear… but I am scared, I am soo soo scared… I would like to say that this thing isn't a big deal… that I am not worried. and I know everything will be ok, but that would just be a big fat lie… and no one likes lying. So I am trying to take everything one day at a time… But I have never felt so alone, and helpless… and scared as I do now, even though I know i don't have to do it by myself.
I will be a very lonely girl… separated from my studio and all my classmates… who are my closest friends… not even my sister will be home during the day… That is was scares me the most… Because I need people… I need movement… I need friends… they are my greatest lifeline. Because I don't want to lean on ballet anymore. It won't always be there.
So here goes my greatest fall… But I know there are plenty of people who can't wait to take my spot at the barre ;)
