The Nightmare

4:45 A.M. I wake up on Tuesday, March 15th. I shower, brush my teeth, and am careful not to swallow any liquids or toothpaste.

5:15 A.M. my big sister, my hero, hands me a letter before I get into the car with my pillow and blanket, "Don't read it 'til you are on the road…" she says… Fair enough. I have a feeling it will make me cry, and I don't want to…not yet.

5:30 A.M. I gather up my wits and open her letter, the first thing I read, "Psalm 61". The last things I read, "Everyone is in your life for a reason…You are so strong…I love you".

5:35 A.M. I begin to cry.

6:00 A.M. my parents and I walk into the surgical center…forced to wait in the waiting room, not having eaten for a while… I stare at the vending machine. "delightful" I think.

6:15 A.M. the nurse calls me to come with her, behind those doors that are only intimidating when you are a patient, I am forced to go with her by myself, without my parents, the first time in my life I have been scared to leave them in a hospital.

6:30 A.M. I'm lying in a roller bed, in a hospital gown to big that countless people have worn before, (but I tried not to think about that) my parents come back to see me, I begin to panic.

6:35 A.M. the nurse tells me to relax and she ties a rubber band around my upper arm so she can get a better shot at the vein she will insert my IV into.

6:36 A.M. I see the needle… I look at my dad, I take his hand, and start to cry, I feel a prick, cry even harder, squeeze my dad's hand as I hear his soothing voice say "You're OK, every thing's gonna be fine." I feign a smile.

6:37 A.M. I turn to my mom sitting on my other side, "See this tube?" she says as she points to my IV, "Once that liquid gets into your blood stream you're not going to be scared anymore." She smiles.

6:38 A.M. the nurse comes in and injects some medicine into my IV.

6:39 A.M. the Anesthesiologist comes in and walks me through the process, "Awe hunny. Don't cry! Everything is gonna be alright, you are in good hands." she says, "I am going to tell you what we are going to do before your surgery, but you won't remember any of this, in a few minutes you are going to be out. We are going to take you back to the OR…" she continues to tell me more about the process.

6:45 A.M. the doctor's intern comes in and marks my legs in an unfriendly way she says the doctor will be in shortly.

6:50 A.M. I begin to feel very fuzzy and light headed, the doctor comes in and asks if I am ready, I am not sure what my reply was.

6:55 A.M. My last medicine was injected a few minutes ago, I turn to my parents, I feel them squeeze my hand, and my mom says "I love you." I smile.

6:57 A.M. Blackout.