When It Unravels.

Everyone one says "keep going! Don't give up!" I say "Look at it from my perspective" Nearly a year now, without pain relief, remember when it was simple, just skipping across the floor? Remember when you first   started learning balances? Your teacher repeating "DOWN, up, down, DOWN, up down."
I do, I miss those simple days, when the only reason you danced was because it made you happy. But now it seems like there is more to dancing then just doing it to make yourself happy…you do it because you have to, because its become your OCD, everything needs to be better, everything needs to be perfect. But it shouldn't be that way, it should be just for the love of it. All dancers know this, but it is so difficult to change a mindset that is all you have known since you decided that it's what you want to do. I am trying to change the way I look at my dancing, but it will never change, in my mind it will still be horrible and probably is. But thats why I do it. Not to look horrible, but because there is always something to fix. I have found that I like fixing things…fixing friendships, fixing other peoples problems (which its probably not a good idea). I'd love to "Keep going!" but…what if I keep going, ruin my career, and have nothing left. I want to go back to the simple days. Pre-ballet, I really miss you. You started this wildfire… It can't be put out, or muted, but hopefully it can be harnessed. Life was much easier as a 4 year-old. Can we please just all go back?